Turning Hate Into Love - Making Friends out of Enemies

Let's suppose that you were at a large meeting, 50 to 100 people. What do you think the response would be if you asked for everyone who enjoyed criticism to raise his or her hand? From my own experience I would say that no one would respond to that question with a raised hand. You would probably hear a whole lot of mumbling and grumbling. What if you were to ask those in the meeting who hated criticism to raise his or her hand? There would probably be a loud whoosh sound from the raising of hands. Criticism, as we perceive it, is nothing more than an attack on our ideas and abilities. Most people think of criticism as the act of passing severe judgment. They see it as nothing more than censure or faultfinding. If you were to think back to your childhood, could you remember an instance where someone criticized you? I would venture to say that almost everyone can remember getting a severe rebuke or criticism that has left an indelible mark on them. I surely can remember several instances that happened years ago that had a strong negative impact on me.

I would do everything that I could to avoid criticism. This often limited my interaction with people, especially with those who I knew would be quick to point out things that I did not want to hear. Often when criticism was unavoidable, I simply counterattacked and defended my position. I was a master at rationalizing everything that I did or said. I could make excuses or, as often as possible, shift the blame to others.

After beginning my study of Solomon's Proverbs, I began to understand that my position on criticism was faulty and needed some consideration. When I meditated on Proverbs 15:32 (The Amplified Bible) "He who refuses and ignores instruction and correction despises himself, but he who heeds reproof gets understanding," I began to form a different opinion about criticism. I could see that 'instruction', 'correction' and 'reproof' all pointed to the same thing - criticism. The American Heritage Dictionary comments that Critique has been used as a verb meaning "to review or discuss critically" since the 18th century, but lately this usage has gained much wider currency, in part because the verb criticize, once neutral between praise and censure, is now mainly used in a negative sense.

I can definitely see that Solomon used the word 'instruct' and 'instruction' in the true essence of their meaning. In the Hebrew language 'to instruct' and 'to discipline' are interchangeable. Though it grated against my ego, I had to accept the fact that even negative 'criticism' could hold some positive information that I could use. I began to understand that my reaction to criticism was more damaging than the criticism itself.

As I progressed in my study of Solomon's wisdom, I discovered Proverb 27:5, which literally revolutionized my concept of criticism. Proverbs 27:5 (NLT) "An open rebuke is better than hidden love!" When I began to wrap my mind around those words, I began a new episode in my ongoing journey to a successful life.

Do you remember when you first fell in love? Do you remember the sweetness of hearing the object of your affections whisper in your ear? Do you remember neatly folding the first note that you got from your first love and placing it in a safe place? I placed that note in my Bible and cherished it as though it were a priceless work of literary genius. Do you remember the first time that he or she leaned over and gave you your first kiss? These are all good memories of a first and secret love. I found it hard to believe that the wisest man who ever lived could say that an open rebuke could be better than those warm fuzzy feelings that I got from my first love encounter.

The more I considered Solomon's Proverb, the clearer it became. I began to listen, without retaliation, to the criticism of others. This was not an easy thing to do considering the size and depth to which my ego had grown. I really had to force myself to listen and bite my tongue. As I listened to (not just heard) the criticisms of others, I began to see things about myself that were rather hard to face. I knew that, if this was not going to be an exercise in futility, I would have to not only listen but embrace the comments of others. I realized that they were telling me how I appeared to others. I saw the flaws in my ideas and opinions, which caused me to appreciate the criticism.

When I realized that by excluding my egotistical reactions, this criticism was actually helpful. When I trained myself to listen and not simply to retaliate from anger, I began to benefit from the view that others had of me. When I stopped allowing my feelings to be damaged every time that someone pointed out something that needed to be changed, instead of defended, I saw the change in my perception of myself. I liked it. This was giving me a different perspective and an enhanced view of 'me.'

I began to consider all the time that I had spent trying to avoid criticism. What a lot of time I had wasted. We must all understand that Solomon’s concept of ‘criticism’ was different from the modern day concept. In the Hebrew of Solomon’s day, the word for reproof or criticism meant ‘disciplinary instruction.’ Today we have tried to soften the general concept of ‘criticism’ by referring to it as ‘constructive criticism.’

Solomon stated in Proverbs 1:29-33 a severe warning to those who refuse to listen to reproof or criticism. Proverbs 1:29-33(NKJV)”Because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the LORD, they would have none of my counsel and despised my every rebuke. Therefore they shall eat the fruit of their own way, and be filled to the full with their own fancies. For the turning away of the simple will slay them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them; but whoever listens to me will dwell safely, and will be secure, without fear of evil.” What this boils down to is that those who refuse counsel and criticism will have their own way, but without a doubt their way will be their downfall. Read more at Pastor Bobby's Official Blog